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The Gift of Presence | Styling The Inside

You may have seen this quote circling around social media since the beginning of December, “Give the gift of presence this year“.  Although our children would never ask for this type of present, it’s the number one gift we can give to our children. The other day while watching my daughter at swim lessons (well, I was half watching, half looking at my phone). I thought to myself, Sweet, half an hour to do some work while she’s in her lessons.

Gift-of-presence

On our way to the car after her lesson, my daughter’s response when I asked her if she had fun was , “It was good, but…  You didn’t watch me!  Next time, don’t bring your phone!” In that instant, my heart dropped to the floor. She was right. I wasn’t watching her. Clearly she noticed and wanted me to watch her. I suddenly had one of those I feel like a very shitty mom moments. In the past, I  used to watch my other daughters during  lessons the entire  time. Heck, I even had the big, clunky camcorder out while my first daughter was in her swimming lessons to capture every moment.

So, why wasn’t I being  present with my last daughter?

I was holding the answer in my hand. It was because of my smart phone!!! They didn’t exist then. Nope. We didn’t have any other choice but to simply watch our children. Now we live in a multi-tasking society – which makes it hard to stay present.

I spoked to other moms about my guilt after my daughters comment and their response was,  “It happens all the time”. This incident however, isn’t the first time  I haven’t  been  present with my daughters. For example, my tween daughter talks super fast to me in the car while I’m driving from one lesson to the other, and  I don’t entirely always  hear everything she is saying. I mean, I’m trying to focus on the road, and listen to her speak.

She sounds like the character  Six, from Blossom. Do you remember her? She was Blossoms friend that spoke super fast. You could only get the first and the last word. Well, that’s my tween daughter. There’s been times when she tells me a story super, super fast and then at the end, she responds, “Did you even listen to me?” Although I tried to listen, I obviously didn’t try hard enough, because I didn’tfully hear her story.  I looked at her face with so much guilt and replied, “O.k, I heard the first and the last part.”  I can see the disappointment in her face. It’s disappointing for her that she spent all of this time telling me the latest joke or drama at school and I lost her after the first couple of words because my thoughts wandered.  Where do I  have  to be next? Hmm, I just heard her say that her friend called herself a pizza face, maybe I should make that a blog post? Oh crap, what time is it? I’m going to be late to grab Nyomi. What I  should be doing in these moments is focus,  look my daughter directly in the face, ask her to slow down her words and show her that I’m listening.

That being said, my gift to my girls this Christmas and for the New Year is to give them more of my presence. Not my half -ass, multi-tasking, half -ass listening presence. But my fully listening, fully watching presence. They may not put this on their wishlist, but my heart knows  they need this present from me, more than they need anything Santa can bring them.
Furthermore, if you’re not a parent, this gift can apply to anyone special in our lives. It’s so easy to take the people closest to us in our lives for granted. We often think we have time, put the plans off, or when we’re in their presence we aren’t in reality, fully giving these people our presence. Needless to say, this gift may not be one you can find at the mall, but giving someone else the gift of presence is truly invaluable.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your loved ones, and as cheesy and cliché as this sounds; The best gifts in life truly are free!
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