One of my big focuses for 2020 is being grateful (even more so with the current global climate with the virus and all), and I find that a great way to do that is to show love and kindness to those around you. I was reading an article about romance and the five love languages and it opened my eyes so much on what and how to love each other.
The 5 love languages is a philosophy that there are five main ways people give and receive love in a relationship and is named “the five love languages.” There is a best-selling book by Dr. Gary Chapman titled The 5 Love Languages® The Secret to Love That Lasts written about this topic and lots of tests you can do to find out what your love language is! Or just think about how you usually show love to those around you! It can be platonic, familial or romantic love.
My biggest takeaway from learning about the different love languages is managing my expectations in a relationship and friendship. What I may personally link to being a gesture of love may not necessarily translate as so and there is beauty in knowing the variety of ways people show and receive love.
Knowing my friends’ or partners’ love languages allows me to understand them on a deeper level and allows me to say thank you in a way that responds to their language of love.
I can’t wait to dive into what my Love Language is and how I use them:
When I was reading about the different love languages, I notice that I do ALL of them- and I think that’s totally normal. Growing up, my family has always been very open with telling each other when we’ve done a good job, and we’re a family who loves celebrating and giving gifts.
Hence, because I’ve been surrounded by those love languages, it’s naturally how I perceive and show love.
With Elbert, his love language is spending quality time and acts of service, and so during our initial bouts of dating, it took us both a while to learn to respond and give in a way that connects with us both.
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
Words of Affirmation is expressing your love and support through words.
I like to write cards or letters for family, friends, colleagues to thank them for the things they’ve done for me and focusing on the amazing things they’ve worked hard for! I think a written note of support to show those words of love is something that can be cherished forever. I’ve kept almost every single written note or card I’ve received since I was 7- so for a good 20 or so years haha.
Even just a little text during the middle of the day to thank them for being an awesome friend is a way to say thank you with words of affirmation.
Or a simple, ‘you look great today’ or ‘great job’ to your friendly barista can make someone’s day. Be kind when you can!
Love Language #2: Acts of Service
Acts of service are when you offer to do something helpful for the other person and take something off their plate without being asked.
One example is when my sister offers to clean the dishes along with hers when we have a meal together. She doesn’t have to do these things but it makes me feel so loved that she would be so thoughtful. This love language is all about the time, energy and thoughtfulness it takes to do something nice for someone that they would really appreciate.
For this love language, I do my best to listen. I’ll listen to my friends or my boyfriend when they are having a tough day and see where I can help them! The very act of listening does wonders. Fun fact for you guys, my parents named me Samantha because it means ‘listener’ LOL.
Whether it’s offering to give someones a ride to run an errand or offering to pick up groceries during a busy week (or during this time in the world) and cook a meal for them, I’ll try my best to give them more time with my act of service. Everyone deserves a little bit of help sometimes! You can also help them make this new work at home environment a tad more comfortable with some tips I’ve shared HERE!
I read a quote on Instagram that spoke to me the other day. It’s something along the lines of ‘check on your strong friend’. I find this to be such a powerful statement because a strong exterior doesn’t mean someone is resistant to life stresses.
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Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts
Of all the love languages, this is the biggest love language. My favourite holiday of the year is Christmas. The reasoning for this is because one of my favourite things to do is personalizing gifts and giving them.
I’d guess and say that a lot of us love presents; I know I do.
I love feeling like someone put thought and effort into picking a gift for me that they know I would enjoy. Even though we all love gifts, it may not be our main love language.
For me, it’s more about the thought behind the gift rather than the act of getting gifts. Or it’s the thought of saving for a gift instead of the material means itself. It’s not just about spending lots of money or giving them a gift every week but giving gifts with lots of thought.
My sister loves massages and self-care after a stressful week so I surprised her with a girls’ day! We hit the spa, got our nails done and just took a day to relax together. You can even plan a date day! I have a list of things to do in Vancouver HERE. Obviously right now isn’t the time to be out and about BUT you can still make the most of it indoors, or outdoors in nature!
Personalized gifts/experiences that show your appreciation is key here to say thank you with this love language.
Love Language #4: Quality Time
Spending quality time with your loved ones is so important.
For this love language, it’s not about the amount of time you spend together per se but the quality of the time you do spend together. Nowadays, it can be hard to find uninterrupted time away from all the noise but for this love language, it is so important to take that effort and carve out time to spend together. I wrote an article on ways to disconnect to connect!
Treat your friends to a brunch or coffee date where you put your phone away for an hour (it’s hard, I KNOW). BUT, it’s sooooo worth it once you get to catch up without all the extra notifications. I love getting into deep talks and putting that phone away really helps.
In this current climate of the COVID 19 virus, you can still connect with each other- online!
Use social media sites, or video calls like Skype, FaceTime and Zoom to connect with each other. We’re all in this together.
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
I will admit, I am a hugger and I’m huge on physical touch! I love to hug my friends and when I do, they’re not crappy meh hugs, but big bear ones!
A lot of people think physical touch is about that intimacy in a romantic relationship but this love language is more about a desire to be shown love through hugs, back rubs, and sitting near one another.
Again, with everything happening right now, I don’t suggest close physical contact if you are unwell. So elbow bumps are suggested 🙂
The 5 Love Languages at Work :
The 5 love languages don’t have to be used solely on friends and family; they are relevant at work too!
The principles of the 5 love languages provides a great way to motivate your work team and now that many of us are working from home, it’s more important than ever that we show our gratitude to each other!
For example, if you’re co-worker nails a big project and their love language is words of affirmation, give them a compliment after that really expresses your gratitude!
If it’s acts of service, offer to help bring their coffee cup to the kitchen after. If their love language is gifting, give them a handwritten thank you card or pick up their favourite treat.
For social distancing purposes, maybe surprise them with an e-card!
It’s these little things that can make a difference for your team and help to motivate and inspire them.
My best bosses have used the 5 love languages as tools and I personally think it made them a better leader.
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Anyhoo,
I hope you enjoyed this article and have some insight on what your love language is!
I think it’s important we prioritize how we show our gratitude in ways that resonate with the ones we love. The world is in need of MORE kindness and love. I encourage you to show as much kindness to each other! Help one another, smile at each other, practice good hygiene and let’s all do our part to protect one another.
As we continue into 2020, stay healthy and safe!
Lots of love,
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Until next time, stay healthy and wash your hands!
xoxo Sam
